The Power Of “&”

The Power of “And”: Embracing Complexity in Our Emotions

Have you ever found yourself stuck between two seemingly contradictory emotions? Maybe you feel happy for a friend’s success but also envious. Or perhaps you love someone deeply but feel frustrated by their actions. When we use the word “but” in these moments, it tends to cancel out the first part of the sentence, making one feeling seem more valid than the other.

What if, instead, we replaced “but” with “and”?

The Language of Emotional Regulation

Words shape our experiences more than we realize. The word “but” sets up an internal conflict, making it feel like we must choose one emotion over the other. “And,” on the other hand, creates space for multiple truths to coexist. This small shift in language fosters emotional regulation by validating all parts of our experience rather than forcing us to reject or suppress one side.

For example:

• “I’m grateful for this opportunity, and I’m really nervous about it.”
• “I love my family, and sometimes they overwhelm me.”
• “I am proud of myself, and I know I still have a lot to learn.”

By using “and,” we allow ourselves to acknowledge our full reality instead of dismissing or diminishing any part of our feelings.

The Power of Holding Opposing Emotions

Emotional regulation isn’t about eliminating difficult feelings; it’s about making room for all of them. Life is full of paradoxes, and our emotional experiences reflect that complexity. The ability to sit with discomfort while also recognizing joy, grief, hope, or anger is what makes us resilient.

Using “and” instead of “but” encourages self-compassion. It reminds us that we don’t have to fix or justify our emotions—only acknowledge them. When we allow ourselves to hold multiple truths at once, we reduce inner conflict and move toward greater emotional balance.

Practicing the Shift

Next time you catch yourself saying “but” when talking about your emotions, pause. Try swapping it out for “and” instead. Notice how it changes the way you feel about your experience. Does it soften the tension? Does it help you embrace your emotions with more kindness?

With practice, this simple language shift can transform the way you relate to yourself and others. Life is not either-or; it is both-and. And when we embrace that, we give ourselves permission to be fully human.

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